“I think I’m going to move to Chicago…”
Where to even start when writing about this development?
When I first moved back to Memphis, I was overwhelmed at the idea of moving again. I didn’t necessarily want to be in Memphis, but taking a risk and leaving again? hell no. All I wanted was to cozy up and make myself a safe place. A room I called my own. To never take a plane again… never live out of a suitcase again. I wasn’t coping well with the newly emerged travel anxiety. Spending most nights before plane rides trying not to puke or panic since 2021. I was a born traveler. How could I start hating travel? I felt like a stranger to myself still traveling to weddings and projects around the US the last couple years.
Well after much-needed therapy, putting my luggage in storage, and finding peace in a home, the anxiety began to subside. I started feeling curious again. New friends began to enter my life in Memphis. I spent months investing in my life in Memphis; creating routines and a lifestyle I could lean on to stay safe and as expected. I slowly started taking small risks. Started reading books again. Started enjoying travel.
Change became my friend once again. She had been my enemy since 2020. I began embracing her again, and my sense of curiosity for the future returned too. Chicago had been a long-term dream. Whenever I thought about moving on my own, I always saw Chicago. With a close family friend calling the city their home and even making a copy of their apartment keys a few years ago for me, the dream has always been just a small jump away.
It was 10 years ago when my dad took me to Chicago for the first time. I was thrilled to be among pedestrians and public transport again. We had only been in Memphis a year since moving from Turkey. I fell in love. I felt at home immediately. I’m not sure I’ve ever fallen out of love with Chicago. She’s been a home away from home. I found these on facebook the other day:
I’ve spent months collectively in Chicago since 2014. The city became a safe haven; a place where I went on solo adventures, where I slept long hours during layover and flight cancellations. Chicago has been home for a longtime.
In November, I decided this winter I might just go for it. My sister reminded me that you can just try something and if it doesn’t feel right, you just try the next thing. Risk has never been something I lean into, and even though moving to Chicago has all sort of safety nets… it still felt impossible. After 2020 turned our world upside down and Mercy Ships went far from expected, I felt even more risk-adverse.
I didn’t think this was how I would feel finally moving to Chicago. I didn’t think it would go smoothly. Even now, writing from a Chicago coffee shop, I just feel like I’m on another solo trip escaping my regular life. I’m so thankful for my friends who have slowly challenged my fears and helped me every step of the way. I’m so thankful for healing and curiosity.